Soul Talk

I've been married for 23 years and most of those years I've been doing marriage and relationship counseling for others. I've learned that good relationships have lots of "Soul Talk."

To engage in Soul Talk with your spouse or friend you have to let go of trying to get him or her to do something! Much of the stress and conflict in relationships is because of expectations and agendas, trying to fix and placing blame.

When you have been disappointed or hurt by someone it's not helpful to say things like, "You shouldn't ______." Or, "I feel like you're trying to ________." These are examples of trying to manage another person. Abandon your project! Let go!

Instead, try using Soul Talk. Try inviting your spouse or friend to understand your experience or what you desire. Communicate your emotions instead of your perceptions. Take a posture of personal responsibility and vulnerability. Try saying things like, "I was hurt when you ________. I felt criticized." Or, "It'd really help me if you could set aside some time to listen to me."

Good marriages and soul friendships have lots of heart-to-heart sharing with honesty and empathy.

What helps facilitate Soul Talk in your relationships with significant others?