When You're Lonely

By Bill Gaultiere (c) 2010

I know what it’s like to feel lonely.

The worst thing is to be in a group of people and feel alone… Other people are enjoying conversation, smiling, laughing, but it appears that no one wants to talk to you and you start to feel more and more self-conscious. It seems like people are looking at you standing there all alone. You feel awkward, anxious, embarrassed, bad about yourself.

Maybe you have felt this way too.

The Psalmist did. He described himself as a lonely bird sitting atop the roof of house and waiting for the Lord (Psalm 102:7).

Time and again the Psalmist shows us how to pray our way out of loneliness and into the arms of the Lord: “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalm 25:6; see also Psalm 142:4-5). Knowing this way of the Psalmist, “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16).

Over seven years ago I began praying in lonely places with Jesus and I experienced His presence with me – I wasn’t alone! Even in group situations where I found myself left out of conversation I learned to meditate on Scripture and carry on a secret conversation with my Lord – I wasn’t alone!

One day hiking with Jesus I watched a lonely bird and wrote a prayer poem to express how the Lord loved me out of my loneliness:

A Lovely Bird

On the hillside

A lonely bird

Apart from the flock

Standing atop a reed

Blowing in the wind

I’m longing for a friend

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From the heavens

A Lovely Bird

A heart for the flock

Stooping onto my reed

Dancing in the wind

We’re singing together

The Bible is filled with promises of Comfort for the Lonely.

A Prayer for when you Minister to Others

Many people after they put themselves out to minister to others feel self-doubt. Pastors may wonder if they preached a good sermon. Small group leaders may question their effectiveness. Counselors feel might feel unsure they said the right thing. Anyone who serves others is likely to ask: “Did I make a difference?”

In order to feel adequate in our ministry to others most of us try too hard. We rely more on our own wisdom and strength than on the Holy Spirit. We try to please people and base our identity on what they think of us. What exhaustion and distress this causes us! And it leaves us disconnected from God and his kingdom in the moment.

There is another way of going about ministry! Jesus taught us to cultivate a continuous secret prayer life with the Father and to consider his affirmation as the only reward that we need (Matthew 6:4,6,18). An important way to do this is to meditate on Scripture before you teach, counsel, or serve others in order to get your mindset right.

Jesus warned us that when we neglect to abide in him then we don’t bear fruit and we miss out on love, joy, and peace (John 15:1-17). Many pastors and ministry leaders suffer from stress overload or burnout because they’re not ministering out of their abiding.

I wrote a Scripture-based prayer that has helped me to abide in Christ while I minister and in all that I do. Cultivating this attitude in prayer prevents a lot of problems!

A Prayer of Affirmation for Pastors

The smile of the Father shines on me – I am approved of; [i]

I have the mind of Christ – I have important things to say; [ii]

Upon me is the anointing of the Holy Spirit – I am empowered. [iii]

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Jesus is my Lord and Savior and I dwell in his kingdom of the heavens; [iv]

He is my Teacher and I am his beloved apprentice – [v]

I urge people to join me and be with Jesus to become like him. [vi]

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The Word of God is alive and active and it dwells richly in me [vii]

And the Holy Spirit reminds me of Jesus’ words of truth and grace – [viii]

So I can minister the Word of life to others and it will not return void. [ix]

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The Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead lives in me [x]

So I do not speak with human wisdom or worldly excitement [xi]

Or rely on my own strength – I count on the power of Almighty God.[xii]

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As I teach I listen to voice of God and invite others to listen to him; [xiii]

As I serve I join the intercessions of the Holy Spirit, [xiv]

Praying that we all cry out with him, “Abba Father! Jesus is Lord!” [xv]

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The Lord is glorious in all things and he captivates me continually;

So I do not draw attention to myself, but to Jesus Christ alone;

Nor do I base my identity on what people say about me.

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I am Christ’s Ambassador; [xvi]

My citizenship is in heaven’s kingdom; [xvii]

My message is simply: “Follow me as I follow Christ!” [xviii]

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The pastors and leaders who minister to you need your prayers and encouragement. To learn more read my articles “Pastors Under Stress” and “Pastors’ Wives Under Stress.”

Good Shepherd is Looking for You!

You long to be pursued in love. So do I.

“How are you… really? What do you need? What are you hoping for? How can I pray for you?” When someone expresses genuine personal interest in you it is healing. When you open up to grace it is life-giving.

But somewhere along the line we all have felt rejected… devalued… unknown… lost…

And we have learned to deny our hurts… not have emotional needs… distract ourselves from our inner pain… isolate…

We must come to the point where we cry out to God with the Psalmist: “May my cry come before you, O Lord… May your hand be ready to help me… I long for your salvation… I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant” (Psalm 119:169, 173-4, 176).

Jesus Christ answers this prayer – the first time you pray it to become a Christian and everyday that you are hurting or lost in some way. He promised us: “I go after my lost sheep until I find it” (Luke 15:4, paraphrase).

The Good Shepherd is always looking for you – to know you and be known by you, to invite you into a more personal and loving relationship. The question for you and for me – right now and every moment of every day – is are we looking to connect with Him?

Pray with me my little prayer inspired by the last verses of Psalm 119:

O Jesus, I have strayed like a lost sheep. May your hand help me…

Cry out to the Good Shepherd! Repeat the prayer of the Psalmist again and again, slowly, until it lives in you and your heart is warmed with the realization: the Spirit of Christ is indeed living in me and He is shepherding my soul in love now and always!

O Jesus, I have strayed like a lost sheep. May your hand help me…

Learning to Abide in Prayer has helped me to connect deeply with Christ’s love and to share it with others. I do it everyday. I invite you to practice with me this delightful way of prayerful meditation on Scripture.

The Bible is full of wonderful promises that God loves us in the way that a shepherd cares for his sheep. As part of a retreat I lead that is based on Psalm 23 I share Bible verses on the theme of “Walking with Good Shepherd.”

Jesus is My Refuge

On Palm Sunday Jesus wept over Jerusalem because the people didn’t recognize him (Luke 19:41). Later in Holy Week Jesus cried out for us all: “O how I have longed to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings!” (Matthew 23:37, paraphrase).

Do you desire to be that close to Christ? David sought to take refuge under the wings of the Lord, snuggled up to his chest. We can “take heart” from him.

In Psalm 61:1-4 David is in a desert wilderness and he prays: “Hear my cry, O God… From the ends of the earth I call to you… Lead me to the rock that is higher than I… I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Selah.”

I can imagine David hiding and praying in a desert cave as the armies of Saul (or his son Absalom) are hunting him down. In his trial he trusted in the Lord as his refuge.

What difficulty are you experiencing? Make the Lord your refuge.

Take a moment to pray “Jesus is My Refuge,” my Breath Prayer inspired by Psalm 61:4. Be still for awhile… Imagine yourself under the wings of Christ who longs for you with tears… See yourself hiding in Christ your cave… Let him embrace you close to his heart…

Breathe in the precious name of the Lord Jesus Christ… Breathe out your longing for him…
Linger in the selah of the Psalmist: breathe in Se (say)… and breathe out lah…

Jesus is My Refuge
Lord Jesus Christ… I long to dwell in your tent forever…

Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your wings…
Se… lah…

Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your tears…
Se… lah…

Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your cave…
Se… lah…

Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your kingdom…
Se… lah…

Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your embrace…
Se… lah…

Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your holy name…
Se… lah…

Lord Jesus Christ… I long to dwell in your tent forever.

Abiding in Prayer is one of the spiritual exercises that helps me the most. I like to meditate on Scripture in this way for a few quiet minutes in the morning. Then as often as I can remember during the day I practice God’s presence as I do whatever I am doing by praying a line like:
“Lord Jesus Christ… I take refuge in the shelter of your wings…”

One Thing

In the Bible David is called a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22). What does it mean that David had a heart for God?

David longed to draw closer to the Lord. He devoted his whole heart to God. His Psalms are filled with this holy longing of his soul for more of God.

We know that sometimes David strayed from his devotion to the Lord. He had an affair with Bathsheba and then arranged for her husband Uriah to be killed in battle! He neglected his children. He had issues with pride and anger, particularly in his reign as king. But the difficulties that David had living out his whole-hearted dedication to the Lord make him all the more appealing of a role model – we can relate to him!

I urge you to join me and “take heart” from David. Let the heat of his devotion for the Lord warm your heart. Let David’s Psalm 27 prayer kindle the fires of devotion to God in your heart.

My prayer “One Thing” is inspired by Psalm 27. Use it to focus your heart on Christ and his cross as your One Thing to live for.

I am phasing out the "Christian Soul Care Blog" and replacing it with my "Soul Shepherding Blog." 1-2 times per week I post a short prayer practice there. I invite you to sign up.

Thoughts as Incense

Distracting thoughts are great enemies of prayer. They can be like buzzing bees that drive us crazy!

Today I enjoyed Sabbath time with Jesus. With My Psalms Prayer Book in hand and candles lit at the altar in my prayer room I kneeled and prayed from Psalm 118.

The Word of God helped inflame the Spirit in my heart and burn away the distracting thoughts until little by little I was centered in God’s presence and my thoughts became as incense…

It lasted awhile. Of course, the bees came back! Lord, help me to keep the fire going! Guard my mind and heart with your peace (Colossians 3:1-3).

Try centering yourself in my Psalm 118 Prayer to calm down your anxious thoughts till they rise as incense prayers to God. Enjoy God’s presence. Re-kindle the fire as often as you can.

Thoughts as Incense (A Prayer from Psalm 118:8-14)

It’s better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in myself;

It’s better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in my thoughts.

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Distracting thoughts surrounded me, but in the name of the Lord I cut them off.

They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the Lord Jesus I cut them off.

They swarmed around me like bees; in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I cut them off.

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I was about to fall, but the Lord freed me from diversion;

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

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It’s better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in myself;

It’s better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in my thoughts.

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Distracting thoughts surrounded me, but the fire of the Spirit in me burned them as incense.

They surrounded me on every side, but the fire of the Holy Spirit in me burned them as incense.

They swarmed around me like bees; the fire of the Holy Spirit of Christ in me burned them as incense.

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I was besieged, but the Lord flamed my thoughts into prayers;

The Lord captivates me with his glory! He is the delight of my heart!

Devoted to You

David is known as a man after God’s heart because of the way he prays. I so desire to be known as one who has a heart for God, don’t you?

You and I can grow to be more of a person after God’s heart! David shows us how in Psalm 86. In prayer dedicate each aspect of your person to the Lord. Psalm 86 is not well-known, but it’s one of my favorite of David’s prayers. It’s a prayer of whole-hearted devotion to the Lord. Let’s “take heart” from David!

Join me in praying “Devoted to You,” a prayer I adapted from Psalm 86. Linger on each line, praying it slowly and deeply to consecrate all that you are and all that you do the Lord God…

Devoted to You

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul:

Guard my life, O Lord, for I am devoted to you;

Guard my heart, O Father, for I love you with all my choices;

Guard my mind, O Jesus, for I fix my thoughts on following you;

Guard my body, O Spirit, for I give it to be your temple;

Guard my relationships, O Trinity, for I center my conversations on you.

Hear my prayer, O Lord.

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To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul:

I offer my eyes to you, O Lord, to behold your beauty;

I offer my lips to you, O Father, to speak your praises;

I offer my ears to you, O Jesus, to listen to your words;

I offer my steps to you, O Spirit, to follow your movements;

I offer my life to you, O Trinity, to honor you alone.

Hear my prayer, O Lord.

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